My story ~ a deep dive ~

When I was living in London I had my first panic attack, I had been living there for nearly 6 months, moved there all on my own, and it was the first day of my new job. I was sent home and that night I took myself to emergency twice for nothing but symptoms that were all in my head. I never really recovered from this day, and the fear and anxiety that came with it forced me into coming back home.

When I got home it was such a relief, I thought / hoped that would be enough to make me all better! It was easy enough for me to suppress the anxious thoughts I was having until it grew into something much bigger and ultimately became my arch nemesis – panic attacks.

They became more frequent until I started having them everyday with seemingly no triggers, just stuck in a constant state of panic. It was debilitating for me, I had to check in with my anxiety before doing anything. I started avoiding things that would make me anxious - driving, shopping centres, it got so bad I thought I would need to quit my job because I started having them during meetings and phone calls.

What I remember most about this time is how unhappy and out of control I felt. My body was trying to tell me (basically scream at me) that the lifestyle I was living was hurting me. I was partying a lot (binge drinking, smoking and some drug use). It was telling me through my anxiety and panic attacks. It made me take responsibility for my health and to friggin’ look after myself. I need to stop feeding into the anxiety and instead feed in heaps of love and nourishment.

In the midst of all of this, Mum suggested I come to a yoga class with her. It’s something she has encouraged me to do for a very long time, but it didn’t ever click with me the way it did this time. It quickly became my therapy.

Each class I took the better I started to feel. I could feel the benefit not only to my physical body but I could feel positive changes in my mind and my heart that I couldn’t ignore.

Yoga played a huge part in giving me strength within myself to heal from my anxiety. It gave me hope to keep moving forward and keep making positive changes in my life. I talk more about what other changes I made in my blog ‘Calming my Anxiety’.

For the first time in a long time I’m starting to feel like Chels again, and each day I can breathe a sigh of relief that I will be friends with my mind once again.

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